A Celebration for the life of Aileen Hogan 20th August 1955 – 8th December 2014 Earlham Crematorium, Norwich Tuesday 23rd December 2014 at 11:15am Celebrant: Izzy Rider Opening Music ‘Who Knows Where the Time Goes’ Performed by Fairport Convention Welcome & Opening Words Good Morning and on behalf of Dylan, Lucy and Michael welcome to Earlham to this ceremony to celebrate the life of Aileen. My name is Izzy Rider, and I am a funeral celebrant it is both an honour and privilege to be part of this ceremony today. Contributions to this celebration of Aileen’s life are all from her family and friends It is almost impossible in just a short while to portray, in words, the life that Aileen has lived and no portrait, no matter how good, will be a complete reflection to those of you who knew and loved her. We can only help to sketch her picture and ask that you fill in the colours to complete the portrait with your own memories. Remember Christina Rossetti 1830-94 Remember me when I am gone away Gone far away into the silent land; When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay. Remember me when no more day by day You tell me of our future that you planned: Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray. Yet if you should forget me for a while And afterwards remember, do not grieve: For, if the darkness and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts that once I had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad. ‘Aileen’ Written and read by Dylan I met Aileen in 1981 in Canada, when she started her PhD at the Cancer Research Laboratory at the University of Western Ontario in London, Ontario. We hit it off immediately - she was a good-looking, lively, feisty, independent woman, full of confidence. She had a lot of life experience already, her own mother had died of breast cancer when Aileen was only 13, so she had grown up quickly. She had done a degree at University of Toronto, and to pay her way through college she worked as a barmaid in the rowdy New Windsor tavern in Toronto where a lot of bands played live, and she loved the action and the music. Then she worked as a technician at McMaster University in Hamilton, working on protein phosphorylation and using hair-raising amounts of radioactivity. She picked up a lot of life skills and lab skills along the way. And she was full of life. She would bounce into a room, full of energy and spark, and light up the place. She became the nucleus of a wonderful group of friends at Western and we worked hard and played hard together. Aileen was a person you could always depend on to be there for you, to pitch in and help you out. She had this fearless, Canadian pioneer spirit of self-reliance: if something needed doing she'd roll up her sleeves and do it. When I met her she drove this huge old Chevy BelAir with a giant 6-litre V8 engine, that had been a company car for CN, the Canadian rail company, and which was still in its bright orange livery. She called it the Pumpkin. Everybody at the university knew Aileen and the Pumpkin. This was before the days of mobile phones, so if you broke down, you'd have to sort yourself out, and I recall Aileen nonchalantly telling us how she had had a flat tire and changed it, by herself, at night in the dark, on this 2-ton-plus car. She was a strong person, physically and mentally. In the lab she was incredibly green fingered at getting complex techniques to work, and so she became a fount of knowledge and experience, helping people throughout the building. She and I worked together as friends and colleagues and over time it became a no-brainer that we should be a proper couple, and we started living together 32 years ago today, December 23rd 1982. Later, for our honeymoon in Quebec City we drove there, in the Pumpkin, in the snow, almost getting us both killed in a blizzard. It was a memorable time. Aileen did well in her PhD working on viral DNA replication in mouse cells, but she wanted to change fields and work in developmental biology so she secured a postdoc job in Oxford. We had no spare money, but these were the days of 100% mortgages, so we bought our first house - a little cottage in a village north of Oxford, which Aileen loved. She fell in love with England, its houses, gardens, its churches and history. And again she nucleated a fantastic group of friends. In Oxford she worked on fly developmental genetics and mouse embryology and became expert in both fields, all the time working with world leaders and winning their respect and affection. She relished the challenges involved in learning new things that each field demanded, and playing a part in getting new knowledge. After we moved back to Canada, to Calgary, Aileen became a mother and realised a new ambition. She was an excellent scientist, but I know Aileen would say that her best two experiments were our children Lucy and Michael. She was utterly devoted to them. But Aileen hungered for England: she loved it here, and she, more than me, was the driving force for us to come back to the UK when the opportunity arose. The decision came after we had spent a sabbatical in Oxford, and she told me not so long ago that those six months with the two unruly children, who were four and two at the time and a real handful - this was one of the best times of her life. So we came to Norwich and settled. Aileen loved it here - our house, the city, the neighbourhood, our wonderful neighbours Neil and Angela. She loved everything about being in England, the faster pace of life, the telly, the Guardian quiz, the sense of humour and the daily banter. She was delighted when she got her British passport (even though the Home Office lost our marriage certificate in the process). She revelled in history. Many's the time I sat in the car entertaining the children while she went off to explore a church she had spotted while we were driving somewhere. Aileen switched from being a researcher herself to being an administrator on big projects. And though she said the job was ridiculously easy (no offence David and Sharon) - for her the best part was the people that she worked with. So for about 5 years she commuted every weekday to Cambridge and back, because she loved being a part of those super teams. She looked forward to the commute with her train buddies - Liz and Attila in particular. She loved the action, and the chatting. And then there is her cancer. She hated having cancer. Most of you here didn't know she was so ill, but that's because she was determined not to dwell on it, and she wanted for it not to be the focus of anyone else's attention either. She just wanted to get on with life as if it wasn't there. She fought it with her customary Canadian grittiness. We will all miss you Aileen - a wonderful scientist, wife, friend, and mother. But we thank you for the joy and the special memories you have given so many people. Music for Reflection ‘Helplessly Hoping’ by Crosby, Stills & Nash We are now going to listen to Crosby, Stills & Nash singing ‘Helplessly Hoping’. During this time, you may like to reflect on your memories of this lovely lady and what she meant to you. Take a little time to remember how her life touched yours, whether as a wife, mother, colleague or friend. Thoughts of Aileen Contributions from friends and colleagues It is my pleasure now to share with you some of the many, many tributes about Aileen that Dylan, Michael and Lucy have received from those who lives she has touched. The following words capture the essence that was Aileen and I am reading these as they were written because they express, in a far more eloquent way than I ever could, the thoughts and memories of many of those who knew her. From Roz and Glyn Cadwallader: We originally came to know Aileen through Michael and from the very first meeting were drawn to her warmth and generosity of spirit. She was always someone it was a pleasure to meet and talk to - friendly, self-deprecatory in spite of her obvious talents, and always with a ready smile and a humorous take on life. From Michael's extended CNS Norwich Family: Aileen is remembered fondly amongst us for her enduring kindness and ability to please an entire room with delicious cooking! From Anita Ingham: When I met Aileen after many years of not seeing her we just laughed and laughed. It was exactly just like it was in the old days in the lab and down the KA. I remember the Magdalen (Maudlin) Ball very fondly and us on the bouncy castle trying to keep ourselves in our dresses and how we got plastered. Many of Aileen's sayings are staples in my vocab much to the amusement of my friends - "like a fart in a mitt....can't tell shit from shinola".... I wish I'd seen more of Aileen but we all think that there will always be time. I send you lots of love from here in Singapore and know that Aileen will always hold a special place in my heart. She was as you say a wonderful lady and I miss her. From Jelena Gavrilovic: Aileen could spot a large ego a mile off - she introduced me to the wonderful phrase "not hampered by self-doubt" which I've used many times since! From Prof Sharon Peacock (Aileen's last boss) - Aileen was a wonderfully supportive, hard-working and loyal member of my group, and always ready with a smile. From Prof Tamas Dalmay - She was always cheerful and amazingly helpful. ........ She was a brilliant person and will be greatly missed. From Prof. Sir David Baulcombe - (her previous boss) I knew that Aileen had been ill but then heard nothing more and hoped that she had recovered - a reflection of her stoicism. I loved working with her and she was a mainstay of my group - I know that all who knew her will be very sad to hear this news. From Rose Balucombe: She was such a cheerful, friendly neighbour and friend - I know David was full of praises at work and I enjoyed her company. From Marc Lafleur: "I will forever remember her jovial spirit when working in the lab - her smile and laughter were so contagious; you couldn’t help but smile around her." From Anita Bounds (a work colleague) - we shall cherish many fond memories of Aileen's bubbly and infectious sense of humour and her endearing nature, both in and outside work. From Anna Davies: “I remember her great enthusiasm with books: Game of Thrones, Hilary Mantel (a particular idol) and her belief in the wisdom of the Guardian beauty columnist Sali Hughes. In fact that particular enthusiasm did actually cause me to start reading the column – it definitely seemed to work for Aileen!” From Lisa Williams : “She was a lovely lady – full of fun and life and irreverence” From Alison Hinds: “I will always remember Aileen’s wicked sense of humour and infectious laugh. I hope it is some comfort to know how much she was loved by so many people and how greatly she will be missed”. From Laura Gillespie : “When I think of you and Aileen I smile. I think of that cottage Gary and I stayed in and travelling back and forth to work with you guys – the fun and laughter we had. I can still hear Aileen’s hearty laugh” From Edward Acton: “She was wonderful and you were wonderful together” From Michael Moran: “ I am so sorry for your loss of Aileen; what a most beautiful person. Looking at the gallery of photos brought tears of joy.” From Diane Jaworski: I will forever remember Aileen's wit, charm, and generosity of spirit. I felt like one of the family while on sabbatical at UEA. She even prepared a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for the 2 Yanks in the lab! Dylan, Michael and Lucy, my long distance thoughts and prayers go out to you on the loss of this wonderful wife and mother. Aileen, the world will be a lesser place without her. Farewell I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one. I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done. I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways, Of happy times, and laughing times, and bright and sunny days. I’d like tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun Of happy memories that I leave, when life is done. As you bid Aileen farewell Rejoice that you knew her Be glad that you saw her face And walked the paths of life with her Treasure the memory of her love and kindness Of her wisdom and caring Of her laughter and her smile Of the joy she brought into your lives With much sadness at her death but with love and gratitude for her life we now commit the body of Aileen Hogan to its natural end, in peace and love Words of Comfort Each of us is unique and none more so than Aileen. Today we have remembered a life that has ended too soon. A pioneering spirit with a ready smile, and an infectious sense of humour. A fiercely protective and devoted mother. A loving wife, a clever scientist and caring friend and colleague to many. It is these, her many qualities that are her legacy to those who knew and loved her. She rests forever in your hearts and minds. A bright shining light has gone out in the world but not in those whose lives touched hers. Leave here with peace in your hearts and in charity with one another. May the sun bring you new energy by day May the moon softly restore you by night May the rain wash away your worries May the breeze blow new strength into your being May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life Closing Music ‘Ashokan Farewell’ written by Jay Unger Close